I have cut back my use of stimulants. My energy levels have plummeted. It really seems like the only time I am productive is when I’m on speed.
That never used to be my normal. Once in a while I’d get ramped up, have low energy for a few days after, but I’d rebound easy peasy. Now I can’t seem to get my drive back.
I have the means to do productive and creative work, and I pay for the tools I need, but I end up not doing anything but laying in bed. i waste my money and all my allotments of resources each day.
I have a website. I paid for a year in advance for the hosting. It sat for three months unfinished. Setting it up like a pro is only a few days steady effort.
Only during a recent relapse did i sit down and work on it steady until a significant amount of it was prepared for content.
The good news is I’m not using frequently. I don’t sell my belongings or steal. I have enough food. My rent is paid.
BUT, I am behind on a bill this month. It was a big warning bell for me. I told my dealers, who are also my friends, to cut me off until the new year.
I need to get my energy back in that time and become productive without chemicals. I need my creativity, my curiosity, and my ability to spend hours reading- I need it all back.